Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
