I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
