Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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