On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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