I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
