I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
