i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
