I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
