Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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