shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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