Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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