I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
