laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
