She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
