Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
At least life still wants to fuck me.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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