Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
