In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
