please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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