He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I AM VODKA MAN
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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