dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
is this the sara with the beer cane?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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