i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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