I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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