You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
