i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
