So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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