I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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