I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
