somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
