New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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