Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
