she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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