just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
And the cops told us we were all naked.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
