You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
