all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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