I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
