i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
