hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
