Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
