He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
