why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
