Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
