I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
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