I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Randomize
