i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
