Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Randomize
