I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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