There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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