So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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