who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
My vagina just recognized that song.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
