normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
