We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
