Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
