Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
