cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
