best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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