If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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