you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
