fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I still have a little drunk in my system
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I love you.
Bad choice
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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